that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
false alarm, still single
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
we should paint friendship bongs
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
