Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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