Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
