I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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