You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
