New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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