I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
