I'm jealous of your bromance
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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