Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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