We won't sleep together?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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