I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Be still, my beating vagina.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
