just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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