Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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