i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We have started to decorate penises.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
