For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
