Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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