I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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