My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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