I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
