omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
