my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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