I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
