Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
