:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
