When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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