That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
well most of my day revolves around power hour
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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