i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
