my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
