Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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