i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
