Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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