i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
