Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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