we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
