My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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