You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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