i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
