No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
