if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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