forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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