i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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