cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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