don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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