Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
