you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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