Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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