Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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