Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
