This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
