I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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