Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
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I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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