New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
