Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
