In the future we'll all be gay
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
