I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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