btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
