the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
