Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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