So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
