My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
