is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
