Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize