Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
