Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
