I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
