ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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