why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
