I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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