I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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