I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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