We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
