I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You ruined the universe
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